What I Wish I Had Known Before Doing Rope

I was responding to a post when I realized that I wanted to leave that response on my page where I could keep looking back at it.

The question was asked "what do you wish you had known before doing rope?" Now, there are many things that I wish I had known but only one stands out as something that if I had truly known and understood, I would have saved myself a lot of heartache and self doubt.

I wish I had known that not all connection in rope looks the same. Let me say it again. Not all connection in rope looks the same.

Rope connection is usually described as staying close to your partner, tying sensually, dragging the rope across your partner's body, the bottom going all melty in the top's arms, etc. You know the picture. Certainly this can be a type of connection, but believe it or not, scenes like this aren't always connected. Sometimes one person or the other isn't into this type of rope but they're tying like this because that's how they think connection works. I did. For years. And for years, I thought I was doing something wrong because most of the time (as top and bottom), these scenes were unsuccessful.

Since then, I have learned about so many other ways to connect in rope.

• I have done scenes where I laugh and do silly things with my partner. These scenes helped our connection as friends grow.
• I have done scenes where I tie fast and intense, focusing on eye contact and pauses. These scenes have helped our connection as play partners grow.
• I have done scenes designed to be totally disconnected where my focus is on the rope, not the bottom. These scenes have helped our connection grow but playing to the objectification kinks of my play partners.
• I have done scenes with intense focus that are not close or sensual or brutal or anything other than focuses. These scenes have helped me feel closer to my partner than ever.
• I have done quiet scenes with sensual rope when the mood is right. These scenes have helped my relationships grow.

There is a pattern to every single type of scene I've mentioned and the myriad of other scenes that I haven't mentioned. Connection isn't something that I do. Connection is something that comes naturally by having a scene designed for EVERYONE involved in the scene. It comes by knowing your partner and the energy that they have at the time and knowing your own energy. It comes from putting those energies together in a way that works for both of you. Connection comes by knowing the emotion you want to create and having the ability to create this emotion with the tool that you have chosen, rope.

So as a reminder to myself: Not all connection is the same. It is okay to break the mould and tie however feels right with that partner in that moment.