Rope Bondage Space Etiquette

Or: Don't be an asshole when there are limited resources

I don't generally go on angry rants and I'm going to try to keep this constructive but there have been some frustrating trends that I've noticed surrounding etiquette in play spaces, in particular, around rope bondage.

1. If you hang a ring or carabiner on a rig or place a blanket/sheet under it, you've claimed it. It's not cool to walk away for half an hour and go do something else while leaving all of your things there.

Rigs tend to be hard to come by, especially in crowded play spaces. It is generally accepted protocol that when you hang a ring or place a blanket, that you are claiming a space. No one else is going to move your materials (unless they're an asshole. See later.) However, if you hang a ring and then walk away for ages, you have just prevented everyone else in the room from having a scene on that rig. Even moving it off to the side, as I saw this weekend, still claims this rig as your own.

Now, I am not talking about claiming a rig and then doing a floor scene under it. Personally, I have no problem with it, especially in a crowded space. A rig gives those people a scene space of their own that the general population is far less likely to interrupt or walk through. The other option if you want to be uber super nice to the people that do have need for the rigs, is to lay a blanket in an open space. It may seem unlikely but people will almost never walk over a blanket laid out, especially if people are playing on it. However, this is not necessary. People not doing suspension have just as much right to have a defined scene space under a rig as someone doing suspension.

2. Traveling between multiple rigs during a scene is very rude.

If you get a rig, please stay with that rig during your scene, unless the play space is empty. During a party, using multiple rigs is just bad etiquette. Starting a floor scene under one rig, leaving your stuff under it and then continuing your floor scene under a different rig prevents people from using two rigs in the space. When there are only 4 total (or less), this can cause a lot of frustration.

Rope takes up space and sometimes scenes travel but it's important to be cognizant of the fact that there are other people that want to play and by taking up two rigs, you can be preventing a large group of people from getting their kink on. If you have a scene that absolutely calls for two rigs at the same time, try to do that scene when there are less people around so that there is less likelihood of others wanting to use the equipment.

3. Standing too close to a scene is hazardous to your health.

As I mentioned before, the space under rigs or on blankets is generally accepted as a scene space, however, rope takes space. Sometimes ends fly further than riggers intend. Sometimes a looky-loo gets too close to a scene and a rigger intentionally throws the ends of their rope at them to get them to back off. General rule of thumb, if you're getting hit with the ends of the rope, you're too close to the scene.

3a. Corollary to #3: In a crowded space, sometimes people end up closer to your scene than you would like and there's nothing to be done about it.

Don't whip your rope as far as possible in that case. Try to limit yourself to the space you've defined, such as under the rig or on your blanket. If someone is being an ass, absolutely tell them to back off (verbally or nonverbally) but be understanding that there may not be far that they can go.

4. Don't touch other people's stuff without permission.

Obviously, this isn't just for rope. Touching other people's property without their permission is rude. Sometimes people have rope that is only meant to touch one person. Sometimes they are very protective of their equipment. Sometimes they just don't want someone they don't know pawing through their bags of extremely expensive toys and equipment. Unless you are invited or ask and are given permission, keep your hands off. There is no 'ifs' 'ands' or 'buts' about this one. Touching other people's things without permission is a big no-no.

5. Don't try to talk to the rigger or bottom during their scene and for god's sake don't try to touch them!

Would you talk to a bottom getting flogged or whipped or lit on fire? Probably not. Give the same respect to the bottom and the rigger of a rope scene. Even if it's a casual scene where they are talking to each other, it's not cool to strike up a conversation or ask questions. You can wait the half hour or forty five minutes until they are done to ask the question.

5a. Corollary to #5. For my bottoms: Do NOT strike up a conversation with people outside our scene.

If you want that type of scene, find a different rigger than me. I am tying to create a moment between you and me, not between you and your bff or partner or dominant. This is a massive pet-peeve of mine and a great way to ensure that I never ask you to do rope with me again. If you aren't in it for an experience with me, I'm not the right rigger for you.

5b. Corollary to the corollary. If you're bored enough while I'm tying you that you want to talk to other people outside our scene, tell me.

I never want a bored bottom. If I'm not tying in a way that you're enjoying or keeping your attention, then I'm not doing my part right and I need to know that. I can ALWAYS ramp up what I'm doing. I tend to be very cautious with bottoms unless I know them extremely well, especially the first time tying. If we're tying and you're bored, tell me and we will change things up or we can discuss ending the scene because perhaps my style isn't right for you. I want my rope to be a positive experience for everyone involved and if you're bored, it's not that. And if you're talking to someone that isn't me in our scene, then I'm not happy. Let's make a pact to communicate better about what feels good and what doesn't AND what is keeping our interest and what is boring.

For ALL bottoms, not just mine, if the rope is boring, it's either not for you, or the scene isn't going right. Rope can take a long time to put on, but if it feels like it's taking a long time, it's not being done right. I can tie a chest harness for half an hour and not have a bored bottom because I'm playing with them, but if the top has forgotten that they're tying a person and are focusing on the rope entirely, this half hour is going to feel like eons. SPEAK UP!

6. If the play space is busy, do your aftercare but then move off to the side.

Putting rope away can take a LONG time. If this is the case, after you bring your bottom down, do the aftercare that they need and then move off to the side. Even better is if you can do aftercare off to the side. (I do understand that this is not always possible and that's fine.) What is not fine is spending half an hour or forty five minutes putting rope away while under the rig. Remember what I said earlier about having stuff on or under the rig is equivalent to claiming it? Still applies after your scene. When you're done, it's much more polite to move your rope out from under the rig and then bundle it so that the next person (who has probably been waiting a while) can start their totally awesome scene. You do not need the rig to bundle your rope.

7. Camping a rig all night is the rudest thing ever!

Thanks to @BoundDahlia for the reminder.
Look, I'm sure you have lots of wonderful scenes lined up and I'm sure you're some BNR (big name rigger) that everyone loves. BUT you do not get to use the same rig all night and get to have all of your scene while other people wait. If there are people waiting to tie, general etiquette says 1-2 hours on a piece of equipment tops. Hell, most venues have this written into the rules. Just because you have a lot of hot people waiting to be tied up doesn't mean you're exempt from the rule from your childhood where you had to take turns. Sure, you may have to do a raincheck on a scene or two, but guess what. That's how everyone else feels. As a note: if there's no one waiting, feel free to have your next scene but be sure to ask if people are waiting, not just assume that since no one is standing right next to your rig that there isn't anyone.

More to be added as I think of them. If you have something that happens to you, add it in the comments and I'll add it to the writing!