Why do we have to insult one group to praise another?

I love the movement of all people attempting to reclaim their sexiness. I think it's important that everyone's self image improves because guess what, we all have sexiness. Every single one of us.

What I don't love however is that we, as humans, seem to need to tear down others in order to build ourselves up. We say things like:

  • Fit girls are sexier than curvy girls
  • Real women have curves
  • Young people are hotter
  • You can't be hot until you're older because you don't have life experience
  • You can only be sexy if you're confident
  • People that read are sexier than everyone else
  • You can only be sexy if you're smart

And the list goes on and on of how one group is sexier than another. I see men tearing down women. Women tearing down men. Men tearing down men. And most often, women tearing down other women.

Why do we do this to ourselves and to others? As humans, I think we can do better. When offering a compliment, perhaps try thinking first "does my statement build a person or group up while tearing down another?" If it does, maybe try rethinking what you're about to say. For example:

  • Instead of saying "Fit girls are so much sexier than curvy girls" say "Wow, I love your body"
  • Instead of "Real women have curves" try "Wow, I love your curves" or "I find you gorgeous"
  • Instead of "Young people are hotter" try "Wow, you're hot"

I think you get the picture.

Now you have made the compliment directly to the person you intended to compliment. It's more personal. You aren't just saying that they're hot because they are part of XYZ group. You're saying that they're hot because you find them as a person. Even better, you've made said compliment without having to insult another entire group of people. We can't change the entire world's views on what is sexy but we can change our own actions to be kinder and more thoughtful.

Every person of every size, race, gender, and any other individual characteristic is sexy. Perhaps not to me. Perhaps not to you. But to someone and hopefully especially to themselves.