Writing

How I Negotiate with Bottom's I've Never Tied Before

With so many stories of bottoms having been violated by rope tops recently, I have decided to transparently show exactly how I negotiate with a bottom that I've never tied before. If you end up liking this list and want to repost is somewhere, feel free but please link back to the original writing. If you have other questions that you like to ask when negotiating, please comment with them. I am always looking to improve my negotiation skills to make better scenes.

This list is organized in order of importance. The questions that are red are the questions that I always ask (and I always ask them in this order). Questions that are gray are questions that I ask if I feel like I need more information based on the response to the red question. Questions in white are the details that I'm looking for to the gray questions. If you have questions about them, again please feel free to comment.

Without further ado, Belle-'s Method of Negotiation

What are you looking for out of this scene?

  • What emotions are you looking to express?
  • What does connection mean to you?
  • Are you looking for suspension or floor work?
  • Are you looking for a scene where you get floaty or something more where you are challenged?
  • Do you want sexual energy with the scene?
  • Where is it not okay to touch you?
  • Penetration of any sort?
  • Are there any other types of play you want to happen with the scene or do you want just rope?
  • Slapping/spanking?
  • Paddle?
  • Whip?
  • Wax?
  • Pinching, groping, squeezing?
  • Etc.

What is your experience with rope like?

  • Describe your favorite rope scene.
  • What problems have you experienced in a rope scene and how were they handled?
  • What have you experienced in rope that you did not like?
  • Do you prefer hip rope or waist rope?
  • Have you been suspended before? Tell me about that/those experiences.
  • What positions have you been in?
  • What positions did you prefer?
  • Was there anything that really didn't work for you?

Tell me about any body things that I should be aware of before I tie you.

  • Have you ever experienced nerve compression?
  • Do you have any medical issues that impact you in rope? Asthma? Heart trouble? Circulation issues? Diabetes? Allergies to jute (or grass)?
  • When the answer is ‘yes’ a discussion happens for more information as necessary
  • Do you have any mobility issues that impact you in rope? Flexibility issues? Chronic pain? Back issues? Positions that you know do not work for you?
  • When the answer is ‘yes’ a discussion happens for more information as necessary

How do you communicate during a scene?

  • Do you use a safeword or do you prefer to just say no or that something is wrong?
  • What does it look like when you’re having a good time?
  • What does it look like when you’re not having a good time?
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